Lebanon hasn't just become an international political issue for the World to stress about, but another crisis for the Muslims, and also, another fitnah for the Scholars to potentially lose their way in.

But that's what happens in fitnah. People get confused.

And why wouldn't they? We have the mass murder of innocent women and children on a continual basis. That's a disgrace - the fact that they are Christians, Atheists, Muslims whether Shi'ah or Sunni - has no bearing on this whatsoever. Islam can never allow that to happen under its watch and justice must be sought.

As for certain fatawa being passed around on the impermissibility of supporting Hizbollah and the like, then no-one should let his emotions cloud his judgement. Fatwas such as this one, do not say the Lebanese nation is not to be helped and supported as is being popularly spread, rather it is clarifying the position of Sunni Muslims on the Rafidhi sect which dominates the militant Hizbollah group. Indeed, now is a time where we must support the oppressed and injured in Lebanon by every political and financial means possible.

Let's not mix issues here. No-one should have any doubt from all those who follow Sunni Islam and the way of the blessed Prophet (God's peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (may God be pleased with them all) that the violent oppressors from the extreme Rawafidh Shi'ah sects have helped decimate the Sunni population of Iraq and have their political plans to do much more given the opportunity. They are criminals beyond our imagination.

But in this case, against the Zionists, the fight is one. It is one of justice and truth against murder, oppression and falsehood. And it will always be the case. We might not stand together, fight together, support one another, but the Zionists have shown the world now why all the Muslims have always and will always resist their transgression against humanity until the very last person and the very last day.

As for Zionist offers of cease-fires and the like, then we'll take all we can get as the weak side on the back foot always does. Don't count on anyone else in the World to try and get that though, for they all have a vested interest in the further destruction of the Middle East despite their claims. Anger at the US and the UN and the rest of their cronies for not stepping in immediately is a waste of time - what on Earth do you expect from those who wish to destroy you anyway?

And as for peace, then as a certain Shaykh Salman al-'Awdah once said, during a blessed time where sentences were not repeatedly read over and edited time and time again for political sensitivity's sake, "As for peace with Israel, then let peace be upon it."

Amen to that.

Either I've got it all so wrong and Denmark is the happiest place in the World, or the people who responded to this survey were employees of Jyllands-Posten itself, involved in the World's greatest ever PR-recovery stunt to be pulled off.

Whatever you say about the health and wealth and all the rest of it, it's far too expensive there and there are no Mosques. Well, no proper minarah kinda Mosques, if you know what I'm saying - just dodgy back-street jobs and the like, with all the Muslims on the serious down-low.

As for Switzerland, then funnily enough I'll be there in a few weeks time insha'Allah, so let's see if that gets a better report, although from what I hear, I suspect it's another rich man's Paradise.

I see that Madinah got left off the list although the two Harams still got on the "Happy Map" (see map), Swat was ignored, and the Khilafah (aka the 'Ole Blighty) only came in at number 41 - so as I thought then, Danish criminals scamming the voting system again...

Is it just me, or is Ramiz Raja getting on your nerves?

Bush might be a total loser, but at least he's a lot more honest than many Muslims...

As a follow up to my previous 'Assertions' and keeping in mind the various Reflections and Contentions in recent months, I think it's time I clean my desktop from the next lot that I've been collecting since last September during my spare time.

Enjoy!


Assertions II

1. The False Sufism: veiling the Sunna with their Prophets

2. Fitnah; and no Ahmad for it

3. “…Nabeee’aaa”. Qālūn: refreshes those parts that other recitations just can’t reach

4. Big buildings cause Earthquakes. Earthquakes destroy big buildings. Listen to the Prophet.

5. Better to appear guilty than impotent

6. “Allāhumma ighfir-l’Abbās” – will we ever find out why…?

7. Usury is to zina as stealing is to shirk

8. “It is from Patriotism to defend ones Country from its Government.” (Briers)

9. Those who leave after eight should leave after two

10.
The Disbelievers: Islam is just another –ism
The Believers: Islam is the primordial ism

11. Another annus horribilis or rather the sunna of God?

12. The one who can’t dance always claims that the Earth is bent (Arab.)

13. The Sahīh Sitta. What good is gold in the hands of the chimneysweep?

14. The False Salafis: “Hey, it wasn’t me!”

15. Being afraid of the dark helps keep you alive

16. “The man who wants nothing is invincible.” (Anon)

17.
Liberalism: if you can’t beat them, join them
Extremism: if you can’t beat them, kill them
Islamism: if you can’t beat them, pray for them

18. The Muslims are the best hope Judaism and Christianity have

19. But for Sufism, Capitalism would have remained in the desert

20. Life is like a pharmacy bag – it’ll fit insha’Allah

21. To the ‘News of the World’: we have enough fake Sheikhs already thank you very much

22. The False Sufism: a successful flight into complexity

23. The False Salafism: a successful flight into simplicity

24. “The mountains are never shaken by the winds!” (Arafat)

25. Sufism and Salafism is to believe there are no political interests in Islam

26. If criticism is infectious then to respond must be the plague

27. Ibn Taymiyyah: ignore him at your own peril

28. The False Humanist: you have that much confidence in your mind?

29. The only ta‘rīf in the False Sufism is tahrīf

30. Know your Khandāna so you may seek their bakhāna

31. “I don’t do forgiveness. That’s for God. I’m just making sure they both meet up.” (D. Washington)

32. Beware that Day from the witness of the eloquent

33. Ibn ‘Arabi or Ibn al-‘Arabi? Be definitely sure about the definite

34. Be worried when the closest we may get to Jannat al-Firdaus is when it’s rubbed on our hands

35. “The Bible vs. The Qur’ān”?! Nay, justice necessitates “The Bible vs. Fadhā’il al-A‘māl.”

36. Laylah: an Arab dream, a Wahabi nightmare and the confusion of the Sufi

37. Ahl al-Sunnah are those who cry “Ahlan!” to the Jamā‘ah

38. Unity has lowered our standards. Viva ikhtilāf!

39. “I’d rather my brother have cancer than be a homosexual.”

40.
My friend Abdullah is a pious old soul
And indeed a religious man is he
When he starts his weekly Tahajjud at 2.55
He’s all done and in bed by three

41. “It is enough for us that he produced ibn al-Qayyim.” (ibn Hajr)

42. Vision knows no bounds – Arab eyes see the impossible

43. Better to aim for the moon and land in a puddle than to drown in your apathy

44. The power of science has overtaken the power of spirituality - we have guided missiles yet misguided men (MLK)

45. Abu Hanifah – one often attacks what one can’t understand

46. More boxers?! Enough! Enough!

47. “If sins had a smell, no-one could possibly sit with me.” (ibn al-Wāsi‘)

48. “Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ.” (Scolari)

49. Mafhûm al-Mukhâlafah: Bloggers bring the art of balâgha back to life

50. What did they choose to represent a unified Islamic community? The Crescent

51.
The Pathan said to the Arab, “Musharraf? We call him Mutarraf!”
The Arab replied, “Mutarraf!? We call him Mushrik!”

52.
They said: “Sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us.”
We said: “Sticks and stones will break our bones and names hurt too!”

53. “There is no peace in retreat. There is no honour in retreat.” (Rodriguez)

54. If cricket was football, Pakistan would want to be Brazil (Abbasi)

55. Claiming a Madhab is like claiming to be a Lawyer - beware of being charged with misrepresentation (Bradford)

56. If this is Progression, give us back the Stone Age!

57. If there was a Khilāfah today, only non-Muslims would wish to live there

58. Hanafiyyat’l-Samhah: easy in everything but the usūl and the fiqh

Just in response to quite a few queries this week (?) on why I don't blog more, and why I don't disucss more "Ummah" issues such as Politics, Social concerns and the like.

Well, it goes something like this:

This blog/site is a spare time hobby and that's all. This is not meant to be my loudspeaker to project a khutbah out to the online world, but my (hopefully) halal past-time, as opposed to what I consider the real da'wah or teaching that one does in the Masjid, in classes, in the khutbah, or Conferences etc.

Put it this way: the Salaf used to say (as narrated by Wahb b. Munabbih) that they would split their time into four hours; the first would be to beseech the Lord with our actions, the second would be holding oneself accountable, the third would be spending time with the community teaching, learning, and reminding them of Allah, and a fourth hour that one spends fulfilling ones desires from that which is permissible and good to fulfill two purposes: to help fulfill the other three hours and to give the heart relaxation and rest. (al-Musannaf 'Abd al-Razzaq 22/11).

Of course, this is well known from the Sunnah as well, including the Prophetic advice given to Abu Bakr (r) and other Companions, but my point is that I see my own personal fourth hour as my time spent with sport, entertainment and the internet (and hence this site).

This also means that my third hour is where I consider to be the majority of what I call to or teach, with the various activites and lessons in the Masjid and other responsibilities that one has. I do not consider anything on the net to be from the third hour, despite recognising that there is much "Deeni" benefit to be taken online.

Also, I freely admit that during my relaxing on a site like this, I will often write up a bahth, or occasionally have a khutbah-style rant, or give a bit of Political analysis or answer some questions etc, but I have no doubt that all this comes out of my free, spare hobby time, and not my 'serious' time. I mean for crying out loud, it's on this site that I can get away from the rest of my responsibilities!

I hope this makes sense. Why? Because it allows me to continue to do as I wish without people believing I am being irresponsible, "not setting a good example", not talking about the issues which matter, etc. I know I know, the current URL names don't exactly do me any favours, but I'm such a pathetic technophobe luddite that I can't seem to set up another kind of site thingy - I've been trying to work out how to do one of those Wordpress sites because they look so refreshing and smart and I feel I could really have a doss and look cool too but hey, maybe some other day...

;-)

So, call me irresponsible if I don't teach the obligatory nature of Jihad during our fiqh lessons, or tell me I'm not setting a good example if I don't practice what I preach in the community, but please don't do so if you don't get to read here what you came here expecting to read - this is a chill zone I'm afraid.

Also, I'm a firm believer in two things: if it ain't broke, don't fix it (i.e. there are Muslims on the net who are already giving good specific content) and secondly, there are far too many people talking too much anyway so minimise those whom you listen to/read online/let influence you and therefore I advise you to stick to a few quality sources and you'll find your Deen becomes more stable and pure.

I know this started due to my comments on the current fighting between Zionists and the Shi'ah Hezbollah, so I'll re-state again what I said: we should worry more about what Islam will do when it is finally in a position to dictate terms like everyone else does, and what we are all doing to make sure that happens one day. We may curse and slam the Zionists for their terror but they don't care and neither should they care for they've earned their position of power and the Muslims have earned their position of weakness. Likewise we may curse and hate on George Bush and his cronies for speaking such utter rubbish and blaming everything on the Arabs but hey, that's the kind of stupidity you can do and get away with when you know that not a single person in the entire world can challenge what you say or do.

I say good luck to them. Enjoy yourselves whilst you can, and remember these times - just allow others to have their day when they achieve such strength and responsibility, and only then will we know who was upon truth and justice.

For those who want more Muslim political analysis or a constant watch on current affairs that affect the Muslims in the West etc then brothers such as Yusuf, Osama and Haroon do a great job. As for social commentators (as everyone believes they are) then my limited experience on the web suggests a few like a brother called Tariq Nelson who does a good job for the African-American community in the USA, Amir Butler for the Aussies and Sister Saraji for pretty much everyone and everything in the world so I'm sure you'll find something you agree with.

As for here, then it's all a blag - sorry, blog - innit?

Reflections on the MLT Conference, Copenhagen

You get the gist – post 9/11, Muslims under the microscope, need to address the Muslim identity and integration “crisis”, organise meetings and seminars to tell everyone that “Islam is Peace” for the 453rd time, celebrate diversity and tolerance, and basically try and show the entire world what Islam would be like if the Muslims could ever actually get round to practising it.

Oh and hold a few more expensive conferences just to re-emphasise the whole thing just in case anyone missed the previous one last week. But hey, when there’s so much American cash plus Saudi ‘guilt donations’ flying about exactly for that reason, then why not right?

So that is what gathered a hundred odd Muslims in the loosest possible definition of the word (trust me, that is no exaggeration as many of the attendees themselves will no doubt admit) in Denmark a few days back: The ‘Muslim’ Laddoos of Tomorrow Conference.

Actually, maybe a Laddoo is the wrong kind of sweet to use seeing they are so nice and uniform in appearance and nice and uniform throughout, sweet tasting all the way with no real surprises. No, indeed Mas’ud had a much more fitting conclusion to the event – the actual MLT cake itself: nice to look at, sweet in places, a rather disappointing fringe element with a strange (and ultimately) nutty conclusion deep inside.

Hmm.

I must say it was a chastening experience, both valuable and eye-opening. I am grateful to have met so many interesting and diverse people, all who at least claim to have submission to Allah (“Islam”) as something particularly in common – ok, our friend Mona ElTahawy had some interesting variations to this understanding, blaming her stay in Saudi Arabia on her bizarre take of the Shahādah, but then Yasir Qadhi claimed that Saudi helped develop his take on the Shahādah, on their same flight down from the States no less. Come on guys, something’s going to have to give here.

So what else went on there?

Ilhām. Nice word isn’t it? I didn’t think that you could play around with that word, although Ani seems to have found an interesting use for it.

Used in its more conventional sense, it was no doubt the name of an Italian attendee but more fittingly, it seems that Anas was holding a monopoly on the concept every time he talked masha’Allah. Have you ever witnessed a more serene, complete and devastating deconstruction of kufr than when the barakah of the Nawawiyyah was flowing? Simply stunning.

‘And it don’t stop.’ (in my best Brooklyn…) If the Nawawi barādari wasn’t content on dealing with things at a whisper, then there was always that other screaming maniac to fall back on. Shaykh Azhar Usman, most befitting of the title than any of us, showed all the Imams how futile their attempts were in three days by bettering all their work in 3 minutes.

Laugh little, for it brings too much light to the heart.

Which reminds me Ya Billy Boy Azhar, revenge will be sweet next time. As for Keica Ali, then I think she can already claim that I have been at her feet albeit for 10 seconds to write down my details at breakfast. But my promise stands – I’ll be at those feet for much longer as a Mustafti if God willing, you qualify in Iftā’. Until then of course, Irshad can keep giving us new fatwas to help us solve the rather serious problem we obviously seem to have: no usūl, no fiqh, no scholars, no tradition, no standards, no ethics, no Qur’an, no…

But Idhlal, let me please thank you in advance for quite simply the greatest photo of all time in the scheme of things (have patience children for indeed all incredible things come to those who wait...). We do some serious photos exclusives on this blog bakwas but this one will top them all – and you guys thought that the only Twin Towers to fall used to be in Manhattan. Daisy, I await your files and I promise that legendary status awaits you…

And don’t read too much into that, which means you of course Mona – I know I’m sick to the death of all this integration rhetoric and hence would like to promote a ‘disintegration’ policy, but I’m not quite ready to blow myself into pieces just yet despite what you and your colleagues might believe…

;-)

But back to Imam issues; I find leading the prayer and giving the khutbah far too much responsibility for a full-time profession yet it seems that Imam Tahir Anwar seems to be pulling it off ok. Do you really have a number plate called “The Imam”? That kind of thing costs serious paisa down our parts but I wonder if my congregation would allow me to get with away such dunyai behaviour…or the collecting of fridge magnets of all the destinations I visit…or all the…actually I don’t want you to think that he’s not the bazurg masha’Allah kinda guy that he is - that’s “holy” to all you Arabs and not Picard’s sworn enemy.

I was also honoured to hear the clarity of Reza’s thoughts (isn't Google just so useful?) during the weekend, the stunning poetry of Su'ad (please send me the hilarious yet poignant poem from Sunday so I can share it with everyone), to have met some of the team behind the MuslimYouth.Net website which is something we all really need to support much more, to meet the excellent Daanish who sorted out the football in the main hall as well as just about everything else, to meet the wonderful Imam Yahya Pallavicini (who now needs to go and teach Materazzi what an Islamic terrorist is no doubt) and our other immensely talented European brothers and sisters who spoke such wonderful English and shamed us Anglophiles as usual – next time it should be in French or Arabic even to see how we get on. And talking about the French but is it just me who believes that Zidane’s wonderful headbutt – sorry, shocking haram act of terrorism - summed up the conclusion to our gathering or am I being too pessimistic?

Sure, there were a few crazy things going on and many low points, especially as a Brit. I can’t believe that at a conference held in Europe, there were just so many Yanks! It is part and parcel of being British to moan about American hegemony, regardless of whether there may be good in it or its Islamic etc. It’s the principle you see.

Oh and you might have to excuse me now as it’s time to pray – this isn’t Denmark you know. That’s not even a bad joke by the way. Yesterday I had to be reminded to re-programme my day back into one which revolves around the prayer as opposed to revolving around ma‘siyah.

I forgot about Denmark: wide roads, clean-ish, loads of bikes, takes ages to cross the road and no where to eat. But hey, plenty of lovely pastries. Just stick to where you at folks.

But actually I can honestly say that I return having gained much: I have never felt so glad to see our Masjid again. It was great to see the basic nās again. It was great to see the miskeena wife again. It was great to see my books again. It was great to see the Qur’an again. Hey man, it was just great to return back to the Khilāfah that is the Blighty.

I can’t conclude a review without my apologies can I? Firstly, I wish to apologise to Hisham who thought I was quite difficult as an audience member. I must agree. I’d find myself quite difficult as an audience member where a panel were chatting ‘pure breeze’ but put it this way, it could have been worse: it could have been me on the Panel or even worse, moderating. And you thought that Aftab went on…

Who else do I need to apologise to? Am I being too arrogant or am I right in believing that I was pretty sound otherwise?

:-)

As for something tangible about the conference itself then one of the journalists there dug up an old article (well, 5-minute reaction piece would have been more accurate) from a year back on the 7/7 bombings to use in some piece today. After reading it again a year on, and in light of the continuing insanity of terrorism as seen today in India, it’s interesting to read some of the vitriol found in the comments back then which maybe illustrates that although perhaps on the decrease here in the West, it still has a long way to go in actually permeating the Muslim countries in the rest of the World.

Finally, with reference to some of the attendees sincerely enquiring about my 'positions' and where I stood ‘on the line’ and all that in-fashion 'label' bakwas due to my late arrival (and missing the all-important “coming-out” session), especially the young lady with the hat more suited to Ladies Day at Ascot, then let me say this then as per MLT definitions: Sunni neo-con, part-time Imam and Khatib, taught by Salafi and Sufi teachers over the last ten years, Brit-Pak Muslim.

All of which means I end up a Salafi-Sufi right? Or a Salufi?

Or just Silly?

;-)

I end with this: since inna’l-hasanāt yudhibna’l-sayyi’āt, then I calculate we need to pray 7522 rakats of nafl to make up for the weekend.

Sigh.

Well, at least for the next few days that is. I mean come on, it's not exactly good adab to be rude to your host whilst at his house now is it?

As for when I'm back, then I guess that's another story altogether...

;-)

PS: I don't read Danish either so don't look at me, but hey the pictures look exciting right?

Hey, it's only a game.

But my goodness, what a game!

Forget all this integration bakwas, which reckons 65% want further integration into 'British' society - put me in the other 35% cos' I have had enough of all this stupidity...

I want an Azzurri Passport.

They do it much better...

;-)

A few weeks back in the Adab class when we were looking at the magnificent biography of Amir al-Mu’minīn ‘Ali b. Abi Tālib (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu), I made the point that one of his most, if not the most amazing characteristic he had was his absolute commitment to all that which was good and noble and his utter hatred for all things evil and prohibited.

Why was this so amazing?

Because this is so much more difficult for those who have never seen or tasted evil and corruption. The fact that ‘Ali was born into a Prophetic household, raised his entire life under the tutelage of the greatest man ever born (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and remained that way until he was martyred means that he was about as pure as they come, and yet was able to develop such a standard of morality without having to be exposed to its opposite – something so valuable that the majority of us in the West as “born again Muslims” and the large Revert community use to a large extent to maintain our levels of Īmān and Islam in our day to day lives, especially as we have seen and tasted the ‘Jāhiliyyah’ so prevalent in our societies.

I know some of you wanted further clarification and I was just perusing through the Majmū’ of ibn Taymiyyah until I came across a wonderful passage that really only tells us what we knew already, but hey isn’t it so better when we hear from the Imams themselves?

He (rahimahullāh) said (10/300):

“As for what some people believe, that those who are born into Islam and never disbelieve (“born Muslims”) are better than those who used to be non-Muslims and then accepted Islam (“Reverts”) is not correct, rather whoever of them had the most taqwa of Allah at his appointed time, it is he who is better.

In fact it is well known that the early initial Muslims from the Muhājirūn and Ansār who had faith in Allah and His Messenger after their disbelief, were far better than those who were born into Islam from their children and others; indeed whoever knows and experiences all that which is evil and then gets to know and experience all that which is good, his knowledge and love for good and his knowledge and hate of evil is much more complete than those who haven’t known good and evil and tasted them both. In fact, the one who knows nothing but good can sometimes come across evil and will not be able to (fully) recognise it and so he will either fall into it or he will not be able to warn against it as others who know (the reality) better will be able to.

It is because of this that ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) said, “Of a surety, Islam will fall apart bit by bit if those who come into it have not known Jāhiliyyah.”

And it is as ‘Umar has said; the complete Islam entails the enjoining of good and forbidding of evil, the peak of which is Jihād in the Path of Allah. Whoever is raised in Islam in nothing but good and not knowing anything else, will not have the knowledge of evil and its harms that others will have. Likewise he will not be as effective in Jihād as others will be who are more knowledgeable (of the opposing side/ideology).

It is for this reason that the one who has had some experience of evil and its causes but purifies his intention, then he will be the most prepared, the most admonishing and the best in Jihād, that others are not capable of. Hence, the Sahābah (radhy Allāhu ‘anhum) were the greatest in Faith and Jihād than anyone after them due to their knowledge of good and evil, and their immense love of all that which was good and their hate of all evil from what they knew of the excellence of being in a state of Islam and Īmān, (performing) righteous deeds and their disgust for being in a state of disbelief and sin. That is why when you find someone who has tasted poverty, illness and fear then you will find him to be even more protective and grateful of wealth, good health and a state of peace than those who have not tasted the opposite.

Thus, it is said: the opposite expresses the excellence of its opposite
It is also said: things are clarified by their opposite.

‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) used to say, “I’m not a fraudster but I will not be deceived by a fraudster (either)”. A sound, praiseworthy heart then is the one that desires good and not evil and from the perfection of this is to know exactly what is good and bad and thus the one who doesn’t know evil then this is a deficiency within him, and not praiseworthy.

The point here isn’t that every single person who has experienced disbelief and sin will be more knowledgeable of them and will hate them more than the one who hasn’t experienced them at all; no, rather the Doctor is much more knowledgeable of illnesses than the sick one, and the Prophets (‘alayhim’l-salātu wa-salām) were Doctors of Religion. They were the most erudite in what was best for the hearts and what corrupts them even if one of them had not experienced from evil what the rest of the people have.

Actually, the point being made is that there are some people who after experiencing evil will know its reality and flee from it and have a greater love for all that which is good that others will be unable to achieve i.e. such as those who were Polytheists, Jews or Christians and came to realise the doubts, falsity, oppression and evil of their beliefs and then Allah opened their hearts to Islam and showed them its beauty. Such a person will have much greater fervour for it (Islam) and greater hatred for disbelief than others who don’t know the realities of disbelief and Islam, rather they will be unaware of certain aspects and details or will be those who blindly follows others in their praise of something or their criticism of something (without themselves actually knowing the true nature)…”

Updated 10.25pm

There are advantages and disadvantages writing so soon after major events and the like due to the overwhelming influence ones emotions have on the final piece.

But there was no major event today, so that doesn't apply does it?

;-)

If we're honest, England deserve to lose. Sure, the rest of the team played a superb rear-guard action from the 62nd minute but they've been rubbish all the way through, would have been rubbish if they'd gone through and at least now they're through and through.

And as the more religious and insightful ones remind me, at least we'll be saved from the drunken fitnah of the obnoxious celebrations that might have possibly occurred, putting thousands of innocent people in the streets at risk of serious harm and abuse - I live in a quietish suburb and it's been mayhem here so what of other more central and busier places?

One thing you've all got to admit is that although I enjoy gloating when I'm right, I accept defeat and when I'm proved wrong pretty well too, right?

Argentina crashed out. I was wrong. But in fairness, that was because the Germans paid off that rascal of a Argentinian manager Pekerman. I can't believe he's just going to get away with it like that, not being sacked, beaten or shot by some South American mental footie fan as usually happens over there. To leave Messi on the bench requires a hadd from football fans the world over.

What a scandal.

As for the England game, then I saw most of the first half, and the extra time. The game itself was not even half as entertaining as the other England game: I had Radio 4 on all day today listening to the excellent TMS as England were so utterly humilated and destroyed by the Sri Lankans, it was just unbelievable.

As for the very sad news of Freddie Trueman's death, then although that might be lost on many readers, any cricket fan will bear witness to the true genius that he was, and how well did Aggers the miskeen do from not crying as he received the news live during England's batting - it was truly a sad moment, yet summed up in classical Yorkshireman style by Boycott when he paid tribute to Freddie, "this was the greatest English bowler there has ever been, bowling against the very greatest Batsmen cricket has seen, not like today's crop playing against Bangladesh and Zimbabwe (said with the utmost impunity of course) who even my mum could bowl against."

May Allah guide his beloved family, county and country to better than that what he died upon. He was a real English hero - England really did lose something a lot more than the World Cup today.

As for the footie, then I'll accept my second mistake: England were never going to win this were they, whatever false hope I had. I stand ashamed and corrected.

But 'I aint goin' down like dat. I'm taking pure people down with me...'

Lampard played rubbish all the way. Robinson has seriously disappointed me with his keeping. Neville didn't look match fit. Rooney was rubbish but then it was a minor miracle that he's actually here anyway - yet I put the blame on him squarely for this defeat; if you're not good enough, fit enough or not upto it with good temperament however frustating things get, you can't put your team and country in that position just for you to have a little rant.

You cost us mate, and as a Reds fan, I think we should give you beats before we give Ronaldo beats when he gets back, because my goodness it'd take a brave boy to walk back into a dressing room with Rooney, Neville, Ferdinand et al and the rest of the entire Premiership waiting to kick your head in and stand on your privates throughout the Coca-Cola Cup or something equally obscure.

So there goes Man U's chances of the title next season, unless we get that Tevez freak. Chelsea must be laughing their heads off...

But there are heros too. My goodness is Stevie G the best player England has seen for years or what? The guy is a real superstar in skill and stamina and Liverpool must be feeling on top of the world for the new season with all their players returning better, more experienced and turning in worthy performances in a woeful formation by the utterly useless Eriksson.

As for the biggest find then no doubt about that: Aaron Lennon can stand proud in this team and his future looks very bright. My respect goes to Beckham who was rather noble in appreciating how rubbish he is a footballer and faked injury to give us the only real chance of victory we had i.e. a Lennon substitution. Beckham 'me ole cockney sparrow': I salute you.

My hero of the England squad though, and very much because I slated him so much before the Cup itself, was Owen Hargreaves. I have to admit that I couldn't see why he was there like pretty much the rest of the English football public (that's why we're called the public and do mundane jobs like Pharmacy and Council work etc.) but he was the best player by far. A true colossus.

My final bit of humble pie eating comes with the great Shaytan himself - Sven Goran Eriksson. It is well known from me that I have hated two men on the face of this Earth with a passion, unable to control myself and take the moral higher road and simply collapse into the simplicity of sheer hatred and anger towards them: George W Bush and Sven the Tillah.

But, and it's a major But, I am utterly amazed by this Sven creature. How it is humanly possible to totally detach your outwardly emotions from your inner emotions; it is not just a skill, it's impossible. But he does it. I mean, he just does it doesn't he? To call him the Ice-man would be an insult to Marvel comics; to put him in the Sub-Zero fridge reserved for the Aston Martin DB9 on Top Gear would be an insult to Jeremy Clarkson.

No, Sven needs to be recognised by the world over as a sign from God Almighty Himself. That there are men, disbelieving and all the rest of that jazz, that are just in control. And I mean control.

Sven - I salute you my Swedish nemesis. I wish I had 1% of your cool mate.

Right, with only Murray to look forward to after his excellent victories, and Brazil giving Germany a good battering in the Final insha'Allah (in tribute to Jean Charles de Menezes of course), and then the Paks giving the lamest England team that history has ever witnessed a battering bigger than that dished out by the Tigers, then well, we might get a few quiet weeks for once...

:-)

(PS the fact that one of the greatest entertainers in tennis which would have been a main story on any other day, the final time we'll see Agassi at Wimbledon was a sad story. I used to watch that guy in the late June nights when I was a nipper and then run down to the end of our road (jumping over the gate illegally of course) into the tennis courts of Loxford Park and pretend my Agassi returns of serve against any miskeen I could find to hit the ball at me. A true legend of the game.)

Updated 10.25pm: of course, the above sentence should read France giving Germany a good battering in the Final insha'Allah (in tribute to our brother in Deen Ribery, our kinda-like brother Zayn ud-Deen, and the Jinn Henry). Hey, any excuse to have the Germans battered, even the "Deen card"...

As for all those people like Waqs, Q, Zeb and all the rest of the losers who kept claiming that Henry was...you've just got to sit down to believe this...a 'bottler' of all things on the big stage...(can you like believe these 'people'?!), then all I've got to say in the big Jinn's defence is, "You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing any more..."

;-)

Oh and as for my previous reluctant acceptance of Diego maybe being the greatest ever, then consider that well and truly abrogated. My response to all those quotes of excellence on Deigo are three of my own I heard today on the radio:

Alberto Di Stefano: "When Zidane is on the ball, it's like he has a silk glove on each foot."

Clive Tyldesly (I told you he was the best!): "Zidane is unquestionably for me the greatest player I have ever seen of his generation." (Don't even try and argue that Diego was the previous generation 'cos' I ain't listenin' any more'...)

And the best of all, with my Shaykh Judai' hat very much on my head, good ole Tel Venables: "Whenever he gets the ball, just start playing the music..."

Ay na'm.

:-)